A Poem for Those of Us Who Sometimes Think We are Alone

She was weary.

She was lost.

She thought she was alone but found that she was not.
She was hurting. 

She was grieved. 

She thought she was alone but found that she was not.
She had fallen off the boat. 

She had panicked but then she stopped.

She stopped fighting against the currents that forced her in different directions.

She looked up. 

She saw light.

She realize she needed to push her arms from over her head down to her side over and over until her head was above the water.

She continue to look up as she caught her breath.

She thought she was alone but found that she was not.

  
There will be times when we are knocked down, thrown into chaos we don’t understand and we may never understand. Do not focus on the chaos, look up. Look up to God for He is with you. You are not alone. He is with you and He is always faithful. He will give you the breath you need as you need it one day at a time.


Holy Spirit?

What does it mean to be transformed by the Holy Spirit?

A friend asked me how to explain the Holy Spirit recently. I replied with the following:

The Holy Spirit is God. It comes upon you when you invite God in your heart. It helps guide you. Telling you what is right, wrong and what God wants you to learn. Sometimes it speaks to you or when you read the bible the Holy Spirit will sometimes point you to what God wants you to learn.

(Please note these are my words, therefore a dictionary will not match up!)

Three and half years ago, I came to know Our Heavenly Father for the first time in a deeply personal way.

I was forever changed.

Immediately I knew God wanted to transform my life and He did. For the next year I walked with the Lord, as He healed me. I was now a real Christian and felt the presence of God.

However, I kept thinking when will I get my fairytale ending?? I truly thought that once I was a Christian and did the healing work everything should than be pretty good from then on out.

Things did get better in many ways because I could finally see God in my life but that didn’t mean I would not continue to face hard times.

I’ve had to come face to face with the fact that we live in a fallen world, that hurts us, but sharpens us too if we choose to work with the Lord.

One thing that still sticks with me is seeing Beth Moore stand up in front of her crowd of thousands and say “if you came here to listen to someone that has it all together than you came to the wrong place.”

She talked about how sometimes she is mess and “Boy, I can relate to that!”

For a long time I truly thought I couldn’t help anyone until I myself were the perfect renewed Christian with all the qualifications including: the perfect marriage, parenting skills and all wounds healed to completion, etc. etc..

But after hearing Beth say that it hit me, “that may not happen.”

However, I walked away and said, “Ya, I know Beth said that but I still have a lot of work I personally need to do before I can help others”. So I went on to the next conference and while at that conference I’m telling my church friends how I also need help in this area and that area and oh of course in this area too. Finally a friend says, “Kristi! It’s not all about you!  You are a leader and you need to start helping others!”

At that moment, I realized she was right.

This life is not all about me.

I cannot and will not be perfect no matter how much I try. All I can do is submit myself to God, ask Him to change me, and use Jesus and His life as an example for mine. But I will add one really cool thing about this submission is that in return it frees us, frees us from the shackles that have been placed our souls from our past or even our current situations.

2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

When we invite Him in to our hearts then we are shedding off our old self and putting on the new. I always like to picture myself changing from raggedy old jeans and a t-shirt into a brand new designer dress and cute heels. (You know the High Heels from God, the ones would never hurt your toes!)

We must submit to God, this will let Him pave His plans for our lives and use us according to His will not our own, so we will continue to be transform in His likeness.

I am finally learning that and yet continually having to remind myself that Transformation is something we must choose to do every day until we die and meet God in Heaven.

We are going to continue to face struggle. But be assured my friends but this image I have learned from some of my beautiful sisters in Christ:

When we work with Him and let his Holy Spirit work in us, we aren’t just going in circles and not getting anywhere. But envision a mountain and as we are going around and around, we are going up! Up to Him!   

 On a fun side note: One thing that has continual been inspiring and helpful to me on my transformation journey is good music. One of my favorite ways to worship is to jam to a song that speaks to my soul with the truth of God and one I can bebop to, too!

Now I want to share the song called Free by Dara Maclean with you.

Please link on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71FaWmqixOE&list=RD71FaWmqixOE

I hope you enjoy it!

The following Scriptures also speak about transformation-

Romans 12:2 NIV

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Philippians 3:21 NIV

“who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”

If you would like pray or get information about how you can have a personal relationship with God please feel free to email me. I would love to help.

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Peace be with you!- Kristi


Cover Your Eyes

The other day, I went to the mall to buy a pair of shoes for my son but left with more baggage than I intended. While walking down to one of the kids stores, my eye caught a glimpse of neon sex right across from two popular children’s stores and the kids play area. I couldn’t believe it, right there in the window were three large posters of young women in sexy neon lingerie. I couldn’t believe it. My head was spinning.

I tried to continue shopping in the children’s store but I kept walking back over to see if the posters where still there.  (I was hoping they might disappear, I guess). Then I grew furious.

Some may say this isn’t a big deal, but here’s the deal.

The store I was shopping at starts with baby clothes and goes up to children’s clothes in a size 14. Now it is located directly across from the adult store; which contains everything from lingerie to sex toys and they proudly post large pictures of these women to draw the eyes in. So because we shop at this children’s store, take our kids to the play area, or walk by then we are exposing them to these women. This exposure is leading to desensitization.

What it desensitize?? Merriam-Webster (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/desensitize) says:

1:  to make insensitive or nonreactive to a sensitizing agent

2:  to make emotionally insensitive or callous

So if I may ask, “What happens to my little boy if I let him see these pictures of ladies in teddies from the time he is in diapers until the age of 14?” Well I can’t be 100% sure; however, I do know that by doing this I would not be setting our children up for purity. Many articles will tell you that this is the gateway to leading men to porn and/or infidelity. This exposure does not lead to healthy sexuality, but to darker things, sinful issues that pile up. We as parents need to protect our children’s eyes. These images should not be considered acceptable for them. I will tell you that making my son insensitive to a lady’s body is not something I want to contribute to.

And what about our daughters?

Are we telling them this is normal? Our culture has made sex is a very public thing. Advertisements everywhere are screaming for attention with their promotion of sex. One popular women’s intimates store use to be about the secrets with their all pink bags but now they advertise women topless with only lacey bottoms on their discount cards and flyers that come right to your mail box. Plus they hang over 6 foot posters of young women in their store fronts.

Near that store sits a store for teens. This store is so proud of their advertising they even say: “The Girl in this photo has NOT been retouched.” Wow that’s great! But the picture you are showing is of her bottom-cheeks in lacey underwear called cheekies, which means they show her cheeks, plus they themselves call her a girl. So my question is why do we need that visually of a young girl anyway? Let’s remember that is someone’s daughter.

I want to cry to them. “Don’t you know your body is precious?”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Satan has society pushing sexual sin on us and the sad part is we call it normal. We call the ones that go against it radical.  I’m not writing this just because it irks me. I know the ramifications this kind of sexual exposure has on our homes. It’s just another piece of how sexual sin creeps into our homes. We won’t even talk this time about the internet. I want to warn you that the porn industry is now targeting kids at the ripe age of 2 to 3 years old. How are they doing this? Through visuals like these I have mention in our home town mall, through cartoons, commercials, magazines, children’s books (especially superhero books), etc.

Maybe you aren’t worried now but I tell you that having your house rocked but infidelity to porn, extra-marital affairs or even by your adult son or daughter’s sexual issues is heart-wrenching.  It tears families apart and manifests more issues. This is the devils work. I will pose the same warning that Beth Moore does in her Praying God’s Word in chapter 13 on Overcoming Sexual Strongholds; “Please read this carefully: we are being sexually assaulted by the devil.” She too sees that Satan is desensitizing the world when she warns us “Satan is increasing the dosage of sexually immoral provocation with such consistency that we don’t realize how much poison we’re swallowing.” (Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word, Ch 13)

If you are new to Christ or don’t have a personal relationship with Christ then you may not know how much Satan hates Jesus Christ. Jesus offers us a new life. He forgives our sins and makes us clean separating us from our past sin. Satan hates this please he feeds on shame, hate, anything unclean. He wants us to feel nasty, act badly and manifest sin. So he seduces us with temptation, whispers things into our hearts, and once we act upon the sin, he shames us.

So my last question is this, “What if we cover their eyes?” What if we protected them? Showed them they are a precious child of God and worth fighting for. Maybe we physically hold our hands over their eyes or maybe we don’t go near those stores or maybe we stop supporting those stores until they start respecting our families or maybe we write the mall or stores a letter.

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Don’t get me wrong I love a beautiful bra and I love to go shopping, but I love Christ, my husband and my children more. They are important and there is a battle for their souls and I will do everything in my power to not let Satan win.

 Matthew 18:6

“If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea.

PS. If you don’t have a personal relationship with Christ I would love to pray with you and help you come to know Him.


Looking for Him at the bottom of a bottle

Songs can be all too familiar with our past. I was having a rough day a few weeks ago and decided I just needed to drive fast and listen to some loud music to drain out the day. Sounds a little immature and probably was but I didn’t care. I decided to listen to the country music channel and a song came on about a girl who was singing about how she was trying to find him (her love) at the bottle of a bottle. She cried about how she was laying on the bathroom floor and wasting all her tears on him.

And just that image was enough to take me back in time.

Some of us have wasted so much of our time trying to make others love us or trying to feel loved. I did this for years and years.

As a girl, then as a teenage and then as a young woman and now as a woman, I still desire to be loved. I am not proud to say this but I went from man to man to get this desire met. I truly thought I just needed to find a new man, one that was better than the last. Maybe he would really love me the way I craved to be loved.

IT NEVER HAPPENED!

The desire drove me to be with different men, ruin my first marriage and lead me on a downward spiral. And the whole time I thought I was making a mess of my life for love.

During this season of life I would drink all the time. The bars were fun and a place to feel good about myself, that was until the night was over then I was just drunk and alone. Maybe there would be a man there but in reality I was alone.

Looking back what I was missing was simple. I needed Jesus.

However to that old Kristi (the one on the bathroom floor, drunk, and wasting all her tears on a man that would never love her) the idea of all you need is Jesus was foreign.

“How can your so called Jesus help me???”

I was so far removed from what was good that I knew in my heart I was beyond forgivable.

But it wasn’t until I hit the floor that I realized Jesus was the one I was searching for at the bottom of that bottle.

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Honestly, I know that I still would be trying to get this from a man if I was trying to do life on my own. But since I meet Jesus, He has taught me the truth.

The truth is that we are deeply loved, deeply loved by God. I know this because He has shown me. After I hit the floor, I surrendered my life to God. I was at the end of my rope. My way never worked. I was looking for love in all the wrong places.

Another thing I learned was that the heart can trick you, but the word of the Lord brings truth and light.

I thought that love was something it wasn’t. I thought love was something you would do anything for. But I was going against the word of God to get it and that’s not what love is.

The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

But in order for me to grasp what love is I had to let Jesus love me first. Once I accepted the fact that He loved me unconditionally and that He forgives my wrongs then I could start to understand.

The one thing I don’t want to live without is His love. Don’t get me wrong I want to be loved by my husband. But Jesus’ love is different. His love has changed my entire life and brought meaning to every facet of my life. His love cannot be compared to human affection. He is the difference between life and death.

He has the power to pick up a broken girl up off the floor and heal her whole. And we don’t have to look for Him, just call His name… Jesus.


He is my Safety

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. (Psalms 91:2 NLT)

I have asked many women in the past about what makes them feel safe. Many have said things like: their husband, a nice home, good health, money, food, and even their comforter and night light. I also got an answer that warms my heart. One lady said, “My security is in the Lord alone. I know that He will use all circumstances for good. Just trusting in Him relieves anxiety for me.” This was beautiful and reminded me of my own story.

Since I was a child I have desperately wanted to feel safe. But no matter how hard I tried I have found that all fell short for providing safety, comfort and protection, like my God. As I young girl I was sexually abused and even though I had the protection of a great Father and Mother, this still happened. This abuse left me feeling ashamed, violated and most of all unsafe.

These insecurities mixed with no biblical guidance left me searching for safety in the arms of my parents and then eventually men. It wasn’t until my second marriage that I fell into the arms of God. I started seeking His protection and my true identity in Him. I came the Christ in a deeper way when my marriage had fallen to betrayal. I needed help and healing.

I had moments when I was consumed with the feeling of not being safe and wanted to give up.  I needed so desperately to feel reassured that I was going to be ok and that I was good enough. I found myself obsessing how to get that from husband just like I had done with him and all the men in my past.  A friend and I prayed about this and decided that I just needed to sit in those sad and unsafe feelings for a while.

Later that evening while preparing to leave another friend’s house to head home, I was warned that I should stay with them for at least an hour longer before heading home because tornados had been spotted. So I called my husband, but he thought I would be fine and encouraged me to hurry home. So, I decided to go ahead and get home. I missed him and the kids and wanted to be home.

While driving, I thought if I took the back way then I could stay away from the flat land and that would probably be safer. Ten minutes into my drive the wind picks up and the music on my radio changed to tornado warnings. The winds were so strong now that I could no longer hear the radio. Road signs were being blown so hard that they are pushed into the middle of the road.

I stopped the car right in the middle of the road. I called my husband, crying and scared. But I got off the phone shortly because in that moment I realized that my husband could not help or save me.

I then sat there in my SUV and pray out loud and cry out to the Lord as the tornado passed by me and trees fall all around me.

*Lord I see you, I hear you. You are my safety.*

In that moment I finally realized that no one could save me in the middle of a storm or any other crisis, expect for Him, Only Him. If I would not have stopped and clung to Him that very moment, things might have taken a different turn. After the tornado passed I drove on to find a tree that had been spilt down the middle and drove into the middle of the asphalt road like a dagger.

As Psalms 18:19 says He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. He delights in all of us and wants to be our place of safety.

God never left me. In times of abuse, betrayal and trail, He always proves to be my place of refuge. He wants us to cling to Him and Him alone. To experience the kind of safety, love and affirmation that only He can provide.

For I am His Bride First.

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I’m no Angel

The Story of the Samaritan woman at the well is a story that many of us can relate to. She was mixed up with the “wrong crowd”. This woman had quite a reputation, not a woman you would rush home to meet your mother. She had been married several times and was currently sleeping with a man who wasn’t her husband. She was no angel.

Jesus came to her that hot day at the well. She was there in the heat of the day because she was sure no one would see her then. No one wanted to go to the well in the heat of the day, it was miserably hot! I’ve done this too. I use to avoid even the grocery store at certain times of the day, scared of who I might bump into. Scared of the dirty looks telling me, “you should be ashamed of yourself!” But that day at the well Jesus was there to meet her instead. And she was in for a surprise.

He knew she was coming. She was carrying her jug. She wanted water. But Jesus wanted to give her water that would quench her deeper thirst.

You see even in all her sin Jesus still wanted her. This story is one of true love because that’s what she really needed. We aren’t meant to live a life filled with only momentary pleasure and fantasies. The Samaritan woman was going from man to man, hoping to find whatever she was lacking. But men will not fix, save or complete us. They will always fall short of what God has to offer. They will never truly satisfy us.

He wants so much more for us. And trust me you are never and I mean never too far gone. Jesus is standing at the well with grace. He wants you to come home to Him.

Three years ago, I gave my life to Jesus. For years I thought I wore the scarlet letter on my chest and that I was unworthy of forgiveness. But after years of running, I fell hard at his feet.

He knew I was no angel. He knew what I had done, my darkest moments. But He didn’t care. He called me by Name. He washed that letter off my chest. And He is redeeming my past more and more each day as I walk with Him. And He will do the same for you too.

However, I will warn you I’m still no angel. I still mess up and fall short. But I continue to choose Him.

And you must know that Jesus came for the sick and hurting. He is not looking for an angel; He is looking for the real you.

He can’t wait to wash your dirty laundry with His holy water and start anew.

Finding Freedom in Christ